5 shitty poems i wrote at 19 while processing my first heartbreak.
it happens to the best of us. #healed
#1
I’m afraid to pick things up because I’m scared there will be spiders waiting underneath.
And while I sleep, the spiders crawl on my floor and laugh at my ignorance.
The scab on my knee is leaking plasma,
But it looks like a heart so I move past it.
No more glasses that are half full,
And the chest pain has come back.
Everything is a chore.
The corners of my mouth quiver,
while I have trouble distinguishing my dreams from reality.
When I get home, I sit in my car in silence.
#2
Am I just something that moves?
Even with my hair straight
and my body hungry
I’m undeserving.
But It’s better to wait than be late,
So mute her.
Text him.
Wear uncomfortable shoes,
And ill-fitting jeans.
Dont brush you teeth before bed.
Don’t floss.
Don’t comb your hair.
Don’t wear a pad the last 3 days of your period.
Forget to text your great aunt.
Hit someone’s car door.
Throw a can into the trash,
not recycling.
Move to a new city and talk to nobody.
It really doesn’t matter what you do.
Wherever you go, you bring yourself.
So just be yourself.
Everyone else is taken.
#3
The street lights are coming on.
its 5.
Too bored to cry
and my bangs are past my eyebrows now.
Seeing the world like I’m a child.
or at least trying to.
Eucalyptus trees and sunlit coastlines beckon my eyes.
squinting and putting my hand up to cover the light
but I secretly like it.
Seeing you in every face.
Hopelessly in love with remembering how it felt,
And how it feels.
wondering what’s written on each piece of discarded paper I see on the sidewalk,
as I resist the urge to text you after 2 cups of wine.
But I don’t.
Instead I wake up to a text from you.
Funny how it works like that..
#4
I miss the fair every year.
Constantly bracing myself for speed bumps that aren’t there.
No power in the bathroom so I have to shower in the dark and hope
I don’t cut myself.
Coffee tastes like milk this morning.
shit.
How is there hair stuck in my phone case.
Taking the sun out to lunch as I choose to walk
instead of ride my bike.
Getting twisted in my quilt feeling each thread unravel with me.
Let’s dream.
#5
You were in my dream last night.
We kissed on my bed like we were back on the hill
in November.
You told me about your life and how you hate your roommate.
We drove through the Tetons and saw the ecological formations.
All of my roommates are gone this weekend.
I have the apartment to myself.
But no friends.
Just a bottle of the shittest Prosecco I could afford
and a burnt clear vape.
But you haven’t even responded to my text.
So what’s the point.
